You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
ugly people sure do ruin things
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
