The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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