she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
