Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
