So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
