don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
