what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
