Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
