oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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