Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize