she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
