Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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