Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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