I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize