Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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