Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
