when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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