My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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