I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize