This is not my ceiling
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
