Kiss
Puke
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
