p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
