"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
