I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
