There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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