guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I bet he comes in French.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize