My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize