I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
