Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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