I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
