break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize