The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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