So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
