____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You left your phone here
Wait...
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