I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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