what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
