Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize