I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
