She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
