we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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