I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
