I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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