I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
