I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
