at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
