I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
