Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
