goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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