She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
