i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
