I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
