I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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