New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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