its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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