she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
