I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
