Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
how does that bad decision feel?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
