i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
