I think I just saw someone hide a body.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
