hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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