nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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