Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
your room smells of hookers.
And success
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
