She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
