Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Small penises have feelings too.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I need water and some morals
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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