She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
