Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
