after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
