so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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