is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize