i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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