please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I can't turn off my feet"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
