The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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