I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
In America we eat man semen.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
