How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
