You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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