maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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