Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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