I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We left the knife in your bed.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
