its not stalking. its research.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
