So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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