well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
