Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
