planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
