We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
